Narrator:

Lurking in the darkest corner of every office, hiding among the forest of fine print, he strikes when you least expect it. Gifted with unparalleled mastery of the fine intricacies of the law, Red Tape, the government sponsored supervillain, preys upon the unwary! So if you’re walking the halls of your office or local government administration building and hear the sound of strange footsteps behind you, watch out! You may be his next victim.

 

[Theme music]       

 

[DMV Sounds]

 

Captain Obvious: This is ridiculous!

 

DMV: I’m sorry, sir.

 

Captain Obvious: It’s not, ‘sir’, it’s “CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, Defender of Common Sense!”

 

DMV: Huh. That's a bit on the nose, don't you think? Let me get this straight. You’re trying to register the, uh—

 

Captain Obvious: Mobile-mobile.

 

[Beat]

 

DMV: Right. Mobile-mobile. And you say the name on the registration is incorrect.

 

Captain Obvious: Obviously. My name is not ‘Joe’. It’s Captain—

 

DMV: Obvious. I got it. Look, you’re just going to have to redo the registration. There’s a few fees, but it’s not that big of a deal.

 

Captain Obvious: But good sir, it was your mistake. It seems plain to me that you should fix this.

 

DMV: I don’t have that kind of authority, sir. I just do what they tell me.

 

Captain Obvious: Fine. In that case, I would love to speak to someone who does have the authority. I want to speak to…the manager.

 

[All sounds stop]

 

DMV: You don’t want to speak to the manager.

 

Captain Obvious: Yes, yes I do.

 

DMV: You don’t.

 

Captain Obvious: I do.

 

DMV: You’re serious.

 

Captain Obvious: I am.

 

DMV: Fine. Through that door, take a left, take the elevator down ten levels, and you can’t miss it.

 

Captain Obvious: Thank you. Wait, ten levels?

 

DMV: Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Next!

 

[Scene change music]

 

[Elevator Dings]

 

Captain Obvious: Hello? Why is it so dark in here? No one can see my heroic poses.

 

[Elevator Shuts]

 

Captain Obvious: Hey! I can’t see my hand in front of my face. Someone turn on the—

 

[Echoing sound of lights turning on]

 

Captain Obvious: Lights…

 

Red Tape: Who dares enter the lair of the mighty, the powerful, the great Red Tape?

 

Captain Obvious: RED TAPE! You fiend!

 

Red Tape:  Captain Obvious! How in the world did you ever manage to find my secret lair beneath the DMV?

 

Captain Obvious: [Clears throat] In hindsight, this should have been the first place I looked. But I was actually looking for the manager. The registration on the Mobile-mobile is incorrect.

 

Red Tape: Is that…are you seriously going with that name?

 

Captain Obvious: Yes.

 

Red Tape: Well, well. Well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well.

 

Captain Obvious: You are using that word a whole lot. I do not like it.

 

Red Tape: You shouldn’t! For in coming here, Captain Obvious, you have sealed your doom. You will never leave here with the appropriate registration, which means you can never drive your precious mobile automobile! Without it, you will never again thwart my schemes to spread the tentacles of bureaucracy into every facet of American life.

 

Captain Obvious: We’ll see, Red Tape! We will see. Do your worst!

 

Red Tape: First of all, what proof have you that it was my employees that misprinted your registration?

 

Captain Obvious: [Rustle of papers] I am wise to your tricks, Red Tape. And I came prepared this time. Behold!

 

Red Tape: Let me see that. [Rustle of paper] Well blow me down, this is a copy of the original form you submitted.

 

Captain Obvious: Which means the fault was in your employee’s entry, not in my writing.

 

Red Tape: Ah! But you did fill out the wrong form.

 

Captain Obvious: How do you mean?

 

Red Tape: You filled out 24953853769291-B! You wanted C! Look and compare.

 

Captain Obvious: Those…look exactly the same.

 

Red Tape:  But B has an extra space between the lines for your first and last name. It is no longer a valid form, therefore we cannot help you. Thank you, good day.

 

Captain Obvious: But it was the form they handed to me.

 

Red Tape: Well it was valid then.

 

Captain Obvious: Then it should still count.

 

Red Tape: You would think so, but it does not.

 

Captain Obvious: I demand you accept this. I’ve proven it was your mistake!

 

Red Tape: Fortunately for me, a bureaucrat never pays the consequences of his own mistakes. Good day!

 

Captain Obvious: Fine. I’ll be back, with the proper registration forms! And then you will have to accept them.

 

Red Tape: How are you going to legally drive without a properly registered car?

 

Captain Obvious: I…don’t suppose I could get a ride from you?

 

Red Tape: Of course. Just fill out this form, and that’ll be fifty dollars.

 

[Truly nefarious! Red Tape triumphs again!]